Come one come all to the life of a Southern girl.
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•Friday, August 15, 2014
Today I can't say I work up feeling better just not as dark as yesterday. Today is my 1 Year Marriage Anniversary. I'm happy but the darkness is making it feel like any other day. Sometimes I wonder if I was never in a committed relationship would I be happier but I doubt it. Whenever I seem to lose my sense of self I feel like that 14 year old girl cutting her arms with the knife she would hide under the bed in the guest room all over again. The feeling of walking down that path again scares the crap out of me. This morning I did my devotional and immediately knew God was giving me sign to not give up. First thing in getting out of this depression hole is to get a job and make money so that I can feel I'm making a contribution to our family and to get my mental independence back. Haven't been eating and will probably lose more weight cause my appetite isn't there anymore. Eating has become a chore like cleaning toilets. You only do it when you have too. The husband and I are in the process of buying a home and I'm at the point of throwing the towl in. Of course I would never tell him that cause he'll just view me as giving up on another task that frustrates me and putting all the work on him. Gonna trudge through the process and hopefully come out on the other side intact mentally. So today is definitely better than yesterday. Each day that I'm closer to staying true and honest with myself is a day I'm closer to overall happiness.
♥ 12:09 PM
•Thursday, August 14, 2014
Not how I expected things to turn out....
When I started this blog back in 2007 it was a place for me to vent and continue finding myself as a woman and a young adult. I will be 30 in a month and I thought I would continue to have the sense of myself that this blog and changes in my life that occurred around that time would last....but it didn't. I've found myself in a larger hole of depression that I have EVER felt and I'm scared. Of course there are people around me that are encouraging me to pursue my dreams and aspirations and totally support me but I feel that I have lost myself entirely. I was retreading some of my past posts and found comfort in the place I was once in and how I was able for the first time in my life to solely focus on my happiness. This time it seems like such a far away place that the path has been made even more complicated. I no longer am able to focus entirely on my well being because of circumstances that have forced me focus on others which isn't wrong just really hard for myself. I am being the best daughter, sister and wife that I know that I can be but feel that each day I'm losing my independence and sense of self that I fought so hard to gain. And it's not a physical independence but a mental one. The ability to believe in myself and have full awareness in the decisions and choices I make. Hopefully writing my feelings out will once again help me to find my voice and place in this world cause right now it's a daily fight to remain here. I don't farewell with other people's emotions and feelings cause I can't even acknowledge my own without feeling like a failure in some way. Feelings that I push aside once again to avoid any type of conflict with others and feelings that could make someone else feel bad. This is the start of my journey once again to happiness and knowing exactly who I am. God has been ever present through these difficult moments in my life and I am sure he will show up and show out to save me once more.
♥ 7:58 PM
•Sunday, November 15, 2009
I really do think I'm tooooooooooo nice. It really has to end. Starting today. This hour. This minute. This Second.
♥ 4:41 PM
•Monday, October 5, 2009
With age comes change and I am about to make a BIG change in my life. It might not be big to some but its gigantic for me. I've finally decided to "make nice" aka "chill" aka "date" guys who might actually have some type of genuine romantic interest in me. I know what your thinking, "How in the hell does she not date guys who like her?". Well I've always messed around with guys or hung around with guys who I knew in the back of my head would never try to "wife" me or make me their girlfriend. It wasn't a conscious decision to do this but as time went on I just stuck with the same motive. So now I am 20 something fabulous young woman and can proudly say, that I have never been in a serious committed relationship. I've consciously and unconsciously have avoided committed relationships for fear of "losing myself". Even when I did fall in love with a "homie with benefits" I knew in the back of my mind that we would probably never be together anyway. So now I am making a conscious decision to only date guys who like me in a romatic way.......
so no more.....friends with beneifits. Maybe this decision is
based on my "most recent" homie cutting off the nookie ( for reasons I dont really know and he wont disclose) but either way its a good decicison. Maybe now I can actually use some of my date clothes that I have to go on REAL dates (
ie. not just chilling at his crib watching movies)
but actual dates that encorporate me wearing heels and him waiting at my door with flowers. Lol.
My sister and I at my Bday Party
♥ 4:07 PM
•Monday, July 13, 2009
One day my hair will be this big.........& I cant wait!
♥ 12:13 PM
2 months away..............
but i'm already planning for my BIRTDAY!!!!!!!!
Some of my Dress Options..........
♥ 12:10 PM
•Thursday, June 4, 2009
+God tell what to do+
♥ 12:17 PM
•Friday, May 15, 2009
Oooooooooooooooooo. I've been broke for the past 3 months STRAIGHT!!! I next week I actually get to buy some stuff I WANT and NEED. Yay!!!!
I LOVE those Red lightening bolt Earrings! Melody Ehsani makes them and Im gonna get them!!
Dime Piece Designs
♥ 3:14 PM
•Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Long time no speak......
Dang. I have been neglecting my blog for soooooooo long.
**Ive gotten accepted into a PTA (Physical Therapy Assistant) program in Cali! Yay!
**Still don't know how im gonna pay for it. lol.
**School starts June 22nd and I still havent made a definite decision.
**Im still single. (I dont think that is ever gonna change) lol.
**I havent been talking to Bestest and he txted me the other night at 3:30 AM telling me how he feels about our "non existent friendship""
**Been "Cuddling" with someone new but I doubt it goes anywhere based on my past history of cuddlers lol.
**Im interning at a Physical Therapy Clinic everyday for 3 hours while doing 8 hours on the job.
**Im broke cause of emergency situations
**Rent is due Friday but I REALLY want to go shopping
**I want sushi
**I want to go to the beach
**I want a vacation
**Mhmmmmmmmmmm. Asian boys in a fitted and dressed in confidence is sexy as hell.
**I was looking at wedding dresses out of boredom at work yesterday.
**I really want to go out of the country soon.
**I need to clean my house because it is atrocious.
**Is missing Mississippi and the Family.
**I want a dog but I know I cant have one.
**I really hate the Gyno office.
**I want chocolate chip cookies.
**I need to dance on a bar this weekend.
**I have to go to New York before I leave the east coast.
**I cant think of anything else to write.
♥ 5:53 PM
•Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Im a loser with various addictions....
MAybe I should speak on the inauguration...but so many people have already done....so I did go. I froze. I walked. I cheered. I said "FUCK" everytime the wind blew. I havent been updating on her but I did start a fashion blog that I update quite frequently....you can check it out if u want
♥ 2:05 PM
•Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I've officially decided to move to the west coast. DC has been good to me but its time to move on!
Some of the Pictures of my trip to Cali:
Oh. Yeah if u havent noticed I chopped all my hair off! LOL. Im loving my natural hair and probably will NEVER relax my hair again.
Short hair dont care
♥ 11:47 AM
•Saturday, December 20, 2008
Im a TOTAL Slacker!
Sorry Peeps for those who come to my page and expect new stuff. I've been soooo busy. But I will be back on track with my blogging starting TOMMORROW! So expect alot of pictures and stories. LOVES.
PS------> I will be in CALI December 24-Jan 6------> in Sacramento, San Franciso, Santa Cruz, Los Angeles, maybe San Diego.
♥ 8:48 PM
•Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sorry Miu Miu Motorcycle boots I cant afford you sooooo im bringing in the backup. lol.
Via Spiga "Ebony" Boot.
This price tag will surely drop after Thanksgiving and when they do they will be mine. ^_^
♥ 12:20 PM
•Wednesday, November 19, 2008
IM IN LOVE!!!!
Early Christmas Present?
I wear a size "39" but I'll take a "39.5". ^_^
Miu Miu Motorcylc Boots
Wanna cheaper price?
♥ 3:54 PM
•Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I was with Friends who are like Family to me watching Obama change history. History not only for African Americans but for anyone who has a dream to change the world.
♥ 1:16 PM
Hi Hi. I'm Jade.
Mississippi born and raised. I started blogging because of: boredom, creativity issues, and just wanting a place to vent my frustrations. My life is pretty boring despite I am a weirdo in many contexts of being a normal 20 something young woman.
ATTENTION: I BLOG FROM MY AT&T TILT cause Im lazy about logging in and all that other stuff u gotta do to just post a blog. lol. Random Tidbits:
Resides in MD (for now)
Cant be stereotyped
Soon to be world traveler
Bachelor of Science in Physical Education
Loves all Animals
Dell XPS Labtop
Jordan "Dirt" Spizikes sz 7.
Chanel Brown Sunglasses
Slow Jam Therapy
Dime Piece Clothing
Do You! StreetStyle
Designer : ME!
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