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•Friday, April 25, 2008
Numb? Or Just Over it?
Well bestest txted me yesterday and said that he's fallen in love and its official. How did I take the news? I was completely numb to it. I don't know why but I don't care anymore. Should I be sad? crying? sobbing in my pillow at night? He thinks I'm hiding my feelings to be a "good friend" but Im not. Even my sister realized it this morning. I have completely given up mentally and emotionally on bestest and I being together. Am I sad? Nope. Mad? Nope. Then what? Just numb and don't care. I wish him all the best though.
My brain had left feelings for him on the curb a longggggggg time ago but my heart kept holding on. But after I got that txt msg yesterday it finally let go all together. For some reason last night he kept wanting to say that my feelings for him were never "really" there if I feel this way but thats untrue. I think he wants to deny the feelings I've had for him just so he can convince himself he made the "right" decision and didn't push away the woman that truly loved him for who he really is.
A woman that would drive 20 minutes to give him medicine just so he could feel better.
A woman who dealt with his asshole attitudes even though she didnt deserve them cause she knew he was just venting.
A woman who would be by his side whenever he called and said, "I need to see you".
A woman who he could confide in with all his hopes, dreams, passions, and past experiences without fear of judgement.
A woman who felt confident in her own hopes & dreams that he could feel confident in his.
A woman who showed him that being confident in who you are isn't based on what others think of you.
A woman who loves being as weird and standing out from all the rest just as much as he does.
As a woman I can only deal with a man who cant seem to see whats right in front of him for so long until she pushes him out of her life. And without any pushing from me he's moved on. So now I can too. I've put my feelings back into the box to which they are accustomed to being in, locked it, and put it back on the dusty shelf but still keep the key next to it but I hope that I will find a different key that will open that locked box again.
So now that I got my bestest friend back will his girl like me? Knowing what went down between us? Well if she doesn't too bad for her cause she is just gonna have to get used to the idea that I'm always gonna be there for him whenever he needs me cause I know he would do the same for me.
Maybe I'll let him read this. Maybe I wont. But whatever I decide will be whats best for him & I.
♥ 8:19 AM
Hi Hi. I'm Jade.
Mississippi born and raised. I started blogging because of: boredom, creativity issues, and just wanting a place to vent my frustrations. My life is pretty boring despite I am a weirdo in many contexts of being a normal 20 something young woman.
ATTENTION: I BLOG FROM MY AT&T TILT cause Im lazy about logging in and all that other stuff u gotta do to just post a blog. lol. Random Tidbits:
Resides in MD (for now)
Cant be stereotyped
Soon to be world traveler
Bachelor of Science in Physical Education
Loves all Animals
Dell XPS Labtop
Jordan "Dirt" Spizikes sz 7.
Chanel Brown Sunglasses
Slow Jam Therapy
Dime Piece Clothing
Do You! StreetStyle
Designer : ME!
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