I think I have my first "crush" people. I've never had a crush on a guy cause a crush= not knowing if that person likes you but you know that you like them" I have never had feelings of "like like" without knowing from said "horses mouth" that he likes me. So this is a first for me. Ugh. I feel like a 13 year old girl.







I googled "crushes are stupid" and I got this. Lol.



♥ 2:15 PM



Why do people lie to themselves?

Is it because we don't want to deal with the real world and have to confront issues and decisions that we don't want to make?

Everyone lies to themselves. Including me.
Whether it is about jobs, family, friends, or either myself people do not want to deal with conflict of the everyday life and just want to turn the switch off.

I've lied to myself many times when it comes to emotional feelings of regret and hurt. I put on the face of this hardcore rugged, nothing can hurt me persona for years. Even when people do upset me and make me sad I never confront them on it and just let it fall to the wayside because to me if someone knows your weaknesses they can use ur weaknesses against you. But for now on I will never let that happen again.
Also,
When your in a situation that involves other people's feelings in the decisions that you make many people usually base their decision on what would be best for that other person and tend to not consider what's going to best for themselves. I too am this way. I rarely am selfish and tend to be there for my friends whenever they need me. But I have go to realize as I have gotten older that I can't always put others' feelings and needs before my own. I have to come first and my decisions shouldn't be based on what will make him/her happy but will make me happy.

I reckon this blog is just a jumbled mess of stuff only meant to make since to me. :-)

♥ 11:21 AM



I haven't done SHIT! I am not motivated at all to work out right now. I guess im just going through a lazy phase and not being able to fall asleep until 2AM or 3AM isn't helping. I seriously need to get back on my grind and pack the "lazy Jade" into a suitcase and through it into the Atlantic because she is only holding me back.

♥ 10:48 AM



So I've lost a lot weight due to being stressed out over the past 2 months. I haven't weighed myself lately but from everyone that I haven't seen within a month has been saying, "You've gotten so tiny". Truly I am a natural skinny girl but I've never been this tiny in my life. So begins the quest to gain healthy muscle. The sports and fitness geek that I am is looking at this gaining weight/muscle idea as a challenge. Starting tomorrow, I will eat 3 balanced meals and only drink water & soymilk. I know some of ya'll are thinking isn't 3 meals a day normal? Well for me it really isn't. The only time that I do eat 3 meals a day is when I am competing in collegiate sports but sense all of my NCAA eligibility has ended (8 months ago) I haven't been eating properly and surviving off of 1 meal a day. If my mom knew this she and my dad would be lecturing me for hours. lol.

I will also start running everyday atleast 2 miles to start building my endurance back up because it has completely gone to hell but also adding sprint routines to build power and agility. Along with the running Strengh training will be included. The fitness freak in me is visializing my routine right now. So tomorrow is the 14 of August and by October 14 I am expecting to have gained atleast 8 pounds of muscle with muscle deinition in my legs, arms, stomach, and lower back.

♥ 2:02 PM




August 3, 2008 at 8:14PM I got a call that changed my life. My cousin Joanna calls me hollering and screaming, "He's Dead", "He's Dead". It didn't hit me until she Yells, "Doobie is Dead". My heart sunk to the floor. The first thought that came to mind was ..."this is a dream". Doobie cant be dead. Within the next few hours I gained information from various family members in Mississippi that my 15 year old cousin Doobie was swimming with his family in the Pearl River. I river I drive across every time I go to my grandmother's house. A river that not only took his life but the life of his Father, my Uncle Jerry. Doobie started having trouble while swimming when he called out for his Daddy. At that point his father jumped in and went to rescue his son but at the same time after reaching him and trying to bring him back to shore they both went under the water. Even after many other cousins jumping in to look for them it wasn't successful. At 9:15PM I got a call that they found their bodies.

I wasnt able to leave Maryland immediately knowing what happened because my Mother did not want my sister and I driving. So I ended up taking a flight out on Wednesday, August 6, 2008. Being at home calmed my soul. My family sticking close to each other to wipe each other's tears showed me that family is always there and if one isnt strong enough to stand there is a cousin, aunt, sister, uncle, or grandmother to help you stand.

Saturday, August 9, 2008 the double funeral was held at Doobie's high school gymnasium to a packed crowd. Filled with loved ones, fellow students, teachers, family and a host of others to remember the life that Doobie and his father Jerry led.

I will never forget you lil cuz and I will never forget you Uncle Jerry.


If your interested I've posted pictures of Doobie on my MYSPACE

♥ 9:16 PM

♥ 11:34 PM